Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
