isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
