if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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