So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
