guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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