I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's never too late to be topless.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
