So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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