Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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