my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
