I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
