If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
