First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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