My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
