are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
