standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
