so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
