At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
