So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize