Joe is yelling at the trees again.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
