i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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