marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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