he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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