The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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