Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
