i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My pussy is not your playground.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
