So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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