God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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