She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
