i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it hurts more in the daytime
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
