his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
