first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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