He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
