Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
