At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
