Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
