I hope my margaritas pass through security.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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