I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
