Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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