he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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