what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
