I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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