Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
