guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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