I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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