don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
