absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
