i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
