you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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