Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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