need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
