can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
