if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
