Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
