Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
