she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
