How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
