I think my vagina is haunted
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
