we have officially lost it.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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