Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
