Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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