I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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