dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
