My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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