watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
