If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
