Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
