she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
