life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
