I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
