R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
