onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
