he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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