you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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