I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
false alarm. still invincible.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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