I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
